Kumail does what he always does and leaves, and Jake has to face the world and act like he didn't just lose his big brother again. Like this isn't how it happens every time, over and over and over again, Kumail hopping in and out of his life every few years just to take his money and make him look like an idiot. Like Jake doesn't let him, every time, like he doesn't put his life on hold and give him whatever he wants in the hope that this time it might be enough. Maybe this time, if Jake can be funny enough or cool enough or kind enough, his big brother might stick around.
It isn't until he's cold and wet and standing by the train tracks alone that it really sets in that it's happened again.
He knows Amir tried to warn him. He tried to warn him, and Jake was an asshole about it, and now Kumail is gone and Jake's out five thousand dollars. He's told his mom how Kumail was back, that he'd come to stay with him in New York, and she'd seemed so happy he isn't sure how he's going to break it to her that he's done it again.
He feels like shit. He let himself get his hopes up, just to be let down by his brother as always. He should have listened to Amir. Amir, who always wants the best for him. Who lies to him everyday but is honest where it counts.
Jake treks back into the city, rain pounding down against him, until he gets close enough to his apartment that he has cell phone service again, and calls a cab. He rides back to his apartment in silence, and tries not to cry himself to sleep.
Fucking Kumail. The worst part is Jake knows the next time he comes swanning into town, wanting to take Jake out to lunch and meet his friends, he's going to let the whole thing happen again, because that's his brother. He hopes whenever that is, Amir is still around to remind him that he doesn't have to take that shit from Kumail anymore.
He shows up for work on Monday and lies about his camping trip, and no one notices apart from Amir, who is perpetually noticing everything about him.
It's almost too much. Kumail never gave a shit about him, and Sarah has never given a shit about him, and no one in this office likes him, but Amir has always been there, always listening and watching and caring about Jake when no one else has.
He invites him camping and Jake smiles. Amir might fuck up, a lot, sometimes on purpose, but he's never let him down when it matters.
They set up a tent (well, Jake does most of the setting up, but Amir helps unpack) at a camping spot just outside of the city, Amir insisting on starting a fire so they can make s'mores, and Jake just eats marshmallows and watches him, eagerly setting his whole s'more on fire. He blows it out, grinning, like he did that on purpose, and then fits the entire thing into his mouth in one bite, struggling the whole time.
It's so ridiculous it makes Jake laugh out loud, not even trying to stop himself. Out here, away from the judgement and claustrophobia of the office, he actually feels like he can relax, just enjoying Amir's company instead of yelling at him for being annoying. It's weirdly easy, being in Amir's company, especially after everything with Kumail; he always felt like he had to try and prove himself to his brother, that if he could reach some impossible standard then Kumail would finally respect him. He's never had to prove himself to Amir, and the more he thinks about it, the more his brain churns out thoughts and feelings about Amir, the more he starts to realise that comparing Amir to Kumail is a false equivalency. Kumail is his brother. The way he feels about Amir, he's starting to realise, is not brotherly at all.
Amir settles in the camping chair next to him, holding a new marshmallow over the fire. "Aren't you gonna toast 'em?"
Jake looks at the bag of marshmallows in his hands, and shakes his head. "I'm good. I like them cold."
"They are delicious whichever way you eat them," Amir smiles, pulling one out of the bag and swallowing it, "they're like sweet, sugary nuggets."
"They're not," Jake shakes his head, but he's laughing, "they're not really at all. They are good though."
It's quiet for a moment, Amir toasting his marshmallow until it sets on fire, and he turns to Jake as he starts assembling his s'more. "What are you thinking about?"
Jake takes a deep breath, biting another marshmallow. He's got a lot on his mind; his brother ditching him, how he's gonna pay his rent now that he's broke, his blossoming feelings for his best friend.
He shakes his head, looking up at where the sky was turning gold and pink with the setting of the sun. "That we should crack into that six pack," he says eventually, smiling as Amir shifts his weight to reach into the cooler and grab it. He mutters a thanks as Amir pops the cap and hands it to him, grabbing one for himself before settling back into his chair, looking like he has something to say but being too nervous to say it.
Jake knows exactly what he wants to say, and he's busy trying to forget what happened last week with Kumail. "Please don't."
"Don't what?" Amir shrugs, sipping his beer. "I wasn't going to say anything."
"Good," Jake nods, "because I don't want to talk about it."
Amir smiles, gesturing enough that he splashes his beer into his lap. "Well I wasn't gonna bring it up, so..."
"You spilled on yourself there, buddy, you okay?"
"Yeah, I meant to do that." He attempts to brush it off, but it's already soaked into his jeans. "I'm, uh— I'm sorry."
Jake just rolls his eyes. "I know, buddy, it's okay."
"No, I mean, I'm sorry, about— about the beer. I'm sorry the beer upset you, because I know how important it was to you to finally get to spend time... with the beer, after all these years."
"Amir—" Jake starts, but Amir cuts him off.
"No, okay, it sucks. That shitty beer didn't appreciate you for the shining light that you are, and he doesn't get to just shit all over you and ruin your life just because he feels like it. Just because he's your older beer doesn't mean you need his approval, Jake. You're a better beer than he'll ever be."
Jake bumps his shoulder, smiling. "I think you sort of lost the metaphor towards the end."
"What metaphor?" He asks, but Jake knows he knows, and can't help but smile.
It's close to dark, the sun falling below the horizon; the fire is their only light in the darkness of the forest, warm and bright, and Amir is starting to cuddle closer to him as the night air starts to bite at them, and he's warmer and brighter than any fire could be.
"Hey, Jake?"
He looks over to Amir, face lit up by the dying fire. "Hm?"
"Can we snuggle in the tent?"
"No." Jake says, sipping his beer, already knowing that it's going to happen anyway.
Amir huffs, indignant. "What if we get cold?"
"We have sleeping bags."
"I forgot mine!" He says, and Jake just shakes his head.
"You'll survive."
Amir goes quiet, cooking another marshmallow, and Jake just watches him, his features shifting in the dancing light of the crackling campfire. He's beautiful, Jake thinks, smiling to himself, as Amir turns back to face him.
"Just one cuddle?" Amir asks, and Jake rolls his eyes again, but he knows he's already cracked. That he's going to follow Amir's lead for the rest of his life.
"Maybe." He smiles, and watches the fire burn.